garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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