I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
