I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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