I can text with my tongue
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
