I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
