I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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