yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
