do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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