I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
