Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
