somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
