Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my liver is dry heaving
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
