If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
