community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
