I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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