first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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