Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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