life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
