So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
he wants to bone in the snuggie
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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