Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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