Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
