Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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