My brain says no but my pants say off.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
