dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize