I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
