And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
