Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Randomize
