I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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