We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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