He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
