Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
