there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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