Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
