I'm jealous of your bromance
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
