It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
