Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize