Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I'm both gender and math confused
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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