Ambien. No doubt about it.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
