this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
