you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
