Where did you get a picture of my penis
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
