Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
