I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
