we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
