i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
