You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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