I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
