I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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