If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
