If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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