it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
