I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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