the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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