it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
