Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize