This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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