Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize