i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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