It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize