We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
y did u give ur computer a hand job?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
