we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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