I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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