PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
