physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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