Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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