Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
