he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
