Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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