her vagine was all disorganized.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
YAS. BRING CRAB.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
