On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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