is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
