we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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